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Not so scary

a conversation by k.n.o.x. and d.v.

Alex: Have things gotten better since you first started being trans?
I remember you were so overwhelmed with switching pronouns and junk.
me: ja
it's like a tradeoff
Alex: ja it has gotten better?
me: On the one hand i'm more free and there's more fun and there's
this amazing queer community and the kind of friendships and freedom
i've always wanted.
On the other hand i'm even more incomprehensible to squares and
closed minded people and i feel even more alienated from normals.
Alex: being alienated from normals bothers you?
that's sad
me: well yeah dude
i don't know
me too kinda
me: like people on the train pull their kids away from me and tell
them not to look at me
Alex: WHAT
me: ja
so like i'm "not child friendly" anymore i guess
people don't want their kids to know about transpeople, and queers
i wear shirts around with naked body parts on them every day almost
so i think it's funny when parents are like that
but that's so sad
when did this happen?
me: i don't know, i guess whenever people started recognizing me as trans
there are small changes with certain people and our relationships
Alex: aw
me: like Gordon and Ellie... don't like me as much
Alex: :(
me: other ppl, i've gotten closer to
Alex: if you could change anything you did, would you?
me: i don't know, i haven't done anything
Alex: haha
you're right
me: oh you mean like changing my name?
i changed my name and stopped policing my gender expression
i experimented with pronouns but ultimately decided it's not worth
the effort and i'm not gonna push the issues (though those who pick up
on my intricacies largely use he/him or ze/hir or they, which i like)
i found out that when i'm not "trying" to spin my gender a particular
way i feel most comfortable with masculine gender attributes, though not 100%.
my only problem with my body is other peoples' tendencies to think that
having a female body means i'm a lady
Alex: yeah
me: i don't try to pass as anything
Alex: i like this attitude.
me: but yeah it's really pretty simple
trans not so scary :)
Alex: no, it's cool

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