I struggled hard with gender and sexism and all that for many years. Everyone finds their own way out of the heartbreaking system, and mine was through destroying gender. I got rid of it. Don't use it. I dress, act, and value things based on what I want and on my whimsy, not on what someone who was assigned female at birth is supposed to dress, act, value... I just don't worry about that at all. Sometimes people say gendered things to me still and it takes a little while to register, and then it's like "oh yeah, they have gender, they think about things in that way". Like for example, "why don't you dress more feminine?" eyebrow-raised.. uhhhhh, why don't you? "so are you gonna go on t?" Hmmm, I'm not planning on it, are you? I get a kick out of asking cis-men if they're gonna go on testosterone in response to them asking me if I am - the surprised shock of recognition is priceless. Throw it back at em, babies! Everyone's different, it's a beautiful thing. I am human variance!
I'm never sure what people mean when they ask me what I feel like "inside". I feel squishy inside! I feel a lot of feelings, I think a lot of thoughts. Sometimes just being human is too small of a holding cell for me, how could I possibly be only one gender, only Man or Woman? Sisterbrother, you don't even know the half of what I am. So yeah I am a female bodied trans-masculine genderqueer person, and that's just the very tip of the iceberg.
When I was a kid getting into punk rock, I didn't care much about gender either. My role models in the scene were the most badass people of any gender, it didn't matter. To me gender matters about as much as race; I acknowledge and try to understand the different perspectives it gives people but it's not a value or basis for decision making. Nobody encouraged me to get into computers or punk rock or record collecting, I just did it. Nobody encouraged me to get into recording or electrical engineering or guitar, I just did it. I don't get an award for this, it wasn't something I overcame. Sure, I get dismissed sometimes by people who don't understand, but as my grandmother used to say, "Fuck em!"
I just wanna do me, be myself, make my music, have my fun, etc. And I do. And it's awesome. Gender issues to me used to be no laughing matter. Now I prefer laughing. At myself, at the world, at how fun life is.
Personfriend, whatever way you have found so far in this life, I salute you for it. This is me, tell us about you...