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by: some kind of anonymous

He reminds me, "You are fluid. It's ok." But is it, am I? I keep feeling like I'm going through it, the big crisis, the process that will lead me, inevitably, to right here, right where I am, where I belong. Inside my body. And outside, outside of my body are these questions, these people, these things and experiences that have me calling, calling best friends and acquaintances, other gender outlaws, folks that have known me, and now knowing me, still respect me. "Hello? Hi, I'm having a gender crisis, and so, I'm thinking, I'm thinking about shaving everything, down to my bare skin. Starting over again." So, I paint my nails, I have a cathartic experience, it is out of body. I am running. Those friends on the other line, those friends, standing before me, are looking at me, responding to me -- they are unfazed. Because I am still, right here, where I belong, in this body of what I've chosen to be a completely fluid gender identity. So, I gotta tell me, "stop questioning." And sometimes, sometimes you need to remind me, I love it here. I love the journey, wholly and completely. Sometimes though, it takes a few shifts, a bit of changing, a little extremity. And that's what's ok. I am just remembering.
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